He didn’t Die Easy; The Search for Hope Amid Poverty, War and Genocide

A collection of poetry and reflections by African Writer Mary Kimani

Archive for Poems of War

Am I not allowed to weep?


 

Cease assisting,

let me die in peace.

 

Don’t you know?

in some cases,

death is preferable to life,

preferable to pain

preferable to anguish

preferable to hope.

 

Hope is like an open sore

open and vulnerable to the elements.

each additional injury

making it sore and sensitive.

 

And in the midst of this unceasing rain,

Drenching us cold,

Soaking our mud walled rooms,

Trickling through the pock marched roof

What do you want me do to or say

Will you still demand of me

Strength and courage

Am I not allowed to weep?

And cry

And groan and moan?

Am I not allowed to weep?

Refugee camp

Refugee camp

 

I imagined many things…

But not this-

Not misery raining from the sky

not homes long overgrown

not miles of farmland abandoned

un-harvested produce- rotting

not acres of humanity

acres of miserable

pitiful humanity

soaking in the rain.

Atrophy

  Atrophy

 In the mulch around the budding trees, insects crawl about.

Snakes, salamanders and frogs

slithering and jumping about everywhere. 

The waters are dirty. There are no fish in the sea.

We live small dirty lives,

damp,miserable,cold lives,

full of crawling things

that slitter in the underbrush. 

The nights are getting longer and darker the sun shines no more.

Weeds have overgrown the farms,

fungus thrives on every spot,

eating out the very life of us

little by little.

Yeasts and other scavengers

have found residence in and on our skin.

It is as if the very heart of us is poisoned,

covered by a morass and accumulation of dirty fungi

and putrid, dying flesh.

The trees around us are bent by the weight of

the ugly emotions in the atmosphere,

I look at you and see my ugliness mirrored there.

Published in He Didn’t Die Easy; The Search for Hope Amid Poverty, War and Genocide

Massacre at Ecole Technique

Grey clouds glide by darkly tonight,

a dark ominous moon shines from on high,

its cream and reddish rays fall to the ground,

disturbing our peace.

This night will not so easily pass.

It will be a long and endless night,

in yours and my mind.

The air around us heaves with wrongness,

someone’s insane laugher resounds through the evening,

like the echo of unruly flood water

rushing down the eroded gulleys

that form steep waterfalls in our minds.

Shadows and darkness abound

we cannot flee-

What is this our hands have crafted?

What plant is this we have put to the ground?

We send out our children to meet the ogres

meet the devouring creatures we have nurtured,

and the acts we have perpetrated…

have become their atrocious inheritance.

Published in He Didn’t Die Easy; The Search for Hope Amid Poverty, war and Genocide

Stairwell

The stairwell goes nowhere.

It cascades endlessly into emptiness—

Hopes lie dashed somewhere at the end of this

infinity.

The flowers bloom,

but there is no scent.

Bees do not come here.

The apparent look of life

hides the death that encroaches day after day.

There is a weeping sound in the wind:

you won’t hear it,

but I do.

It is the familiar sound of wailing minds.

I pause, listen, and weep.

There is little else to do.

We have been dying a long time,

and though the bodies no longer litter the streets,

the dying has not stopped.

We die a little every day,

peering down the stairwell that goes nowhere,

reaching in vain

for the hopes that lie dashed

somewhere at the end of this infinity.

Poem by Mary Kimani, published in He Didn’t Die Easy

Interview with a genocide prisoner…

The valley is steeped,

green grass as far as the eye can see…

And it covers a mass grave.

I know not the others

But I know a child lies there,

A child I put to death.

Carved him out with a knife

Into pieces.

I did not look to his face

Afraid to acknowledge what I had done in my heart

But it has not helped.

That green valley is in my mind

I carry it everywhere I go

The mass grave is in my mind

The bones are in my mind

The dead bodies are buried in my conscience,

I cannot flee

I cannot flee.

Unpublished poem by Mary Kimani,  dated  August 20, 2004

The poem

When the poem began

We were walking on the streets,

You and I,

Hand in hand-

When the poem began

We were laughing,

You and I,

Hand in hand,

When the poem began.

And we traveled on

You and I,

Blissfully unaware,

Of all the things that the world saw as different-

Between you and I,

When the poem began.

But as the poem progressed,

We dared to look at each other

And alas,

We began to see,

All the things that we had never bothered to see

Those things that were different

Between you and I.

So as the poem progressed

We saw difficulties we had never seen before

And we became afraid,

And we began to fight,

reasonably at first,

Then nastier and nastier,

Until anyone who had seen us as friends,

Could recognise us no more-

The poem is coming to an end

And as we looked into each other’s eyes

We couldn’t help but wonder

What had gone wrong.

Now we stand

Each on his own

And I am afraid to ask

If we can let the poem begin anew.

Prisoner of war


Pain holds me prisoner

The dungeon deep, cold and moss grown.

Each day, the plays for me

Memories from the war.

I stare constantly at vistas

Filled with wailing mothers

And non existent fathers.

And my soil filled hands

Give testimony

To the numbers we have buried.

Pain hold me prisoner.

His dungeon deep, cold and moss grown.

 An unpublished poem by Mary Kimani, dated  June 30, 2002

The prayer


Gnarled tree,

Pockmarked and studded

Thousands of fungal outgrowths.

She sits.

And prays.

It marks the central pole of a prayer hut

The kind you never find in the western world

But this is not it.

This is Africa.

She sits

And prays.

Paraffin lamp flickers

Shadows cast around the hut walls

Like gargoyles

Staring at the woman

She prays…

Eyes wide open

Transfixed

By thousands of fungal outgrowths…

Revulsion

Wells up inside her

Heart mottled and pockmarked

Shame resides here

Parastic,

Leaching life,

Faith

Hope..

She prays..

Seeking relief

Finding none

God lives here no more

Only humans…

Ah humans…

Prayers unheard,

Agony abounds

There is no way to undo the hurt

No way to erase the pain

No way to unmake the made

No way to unrape the raped.

And so shame

Grows

Like a fungal outgrowth on this tree…

Life a fungal outgrowth on this heart.

- unpublished poem by Mary Kimani, dated, 31 January 2007

Ramblings of a troubled mind

I have been so afraid.

I start to write and I panic.

Thoughts come like a torrent, threatening to overwhelm me.

So many questions,

so many images,

so many things I want to say,

shout,

cry out—

But they refuse to come out in neat and tidy order.

And so I leave it, turn the page,

start again a few months down the line,

hoping by then there will be less turmoil,

fewer shadows jumping at me from the recesses of my mind—

But they come all over again,

the ramblings of a troubled mind.

 

19 March 2002

Published in ; He Didn’t Die Easy; The Search for Hope amid Poverty, War and Genocide.